I should be studying for the last quiz on a subject I am in danger of failing, but here I am fantasizing that someone would buy my blog and writing a new entry immediately after that.

But I just had to let this off my chest.

Today I saw uhm, how do I say this, one of my highschool love. Well, we were not really together, but we sorta were. Explaining this would require a whole new blog entry altogether.

Going back on topic, she alighted the same bus I was already in. I was seated right in front, near the center lane. Yes, she saw me. And I definitely saw her - in all her infanticipating glory!

Yes, the once sweet, timid, pink-loving girl I once was crazy for was pregnant. Knocked up. With child. Preggers.

But I knew this already. A couple of friends reported the news to me a months back. I believed them but seeing her and her big tummy for real was a different experience altogether.

She was beautiful. She has always been, but there's a different glow to her now.

Sadly, we did not talk. I did not even have the courage to say a simple "Hi". I just looked on the other direction. It was strange. Weird. Awkward.

Ever since I screwed up on her the second time, we have not talked again. We see each other once in a while, but we pretend that the other does not exist. There was a time where I wanted her back (for the third time), but she did not return my messages.

I know that I'm an asshole, jerk, dumbfuck. Call me whatever you like. But if you're miraculously reading this, please, I want to be friends with you. This time, for real. I want to see your great smile which I missed so much. The past few times I see you, I saw a sad face. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. I want to be able to meet your future baby. I want everything to be settled.

I would have talked to you today but I am afraid you did not want to. You covered your tummy when you saw me but there's no need to do that. I am so proud of you for choosing to have this baby. So please, get in touch with me.

You know who you are.