It's the season

A former (I think so) loved one has just broken up with her boyfriend, a former rival (I think so). One of my biggest regrets was not being able to tell her how I feel felt.

Now with this incident, will I be that guy? That guy who is like a cat about to pounce on a helpless wounded mouse?

No. I won't. Much of the feelings have been lost as well. But we'll see.

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Some thoughts

I missed these babies.

I was passing through SM Southmall last Friday and there was an American Festival along the Food Street. Since when do we celebrate the Independence Day of other countries? First, Halloween. Now, Fourth of July. What's next? St. Patrick's Day? Ah. Capitalism at its best.

They say there is depth in the women's tennis tour. I say there are currently no great champions.

I'm so excited for my internship, which will start in a few months. Problem is, I haven't secured one yet. I'm so sick of university, except from one sunshiney spot.

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It's all coming back

How do you feel when you talk to somebody you have loved before?

I cannot actually categorize how I feel. There's this girl who I don't have the guts to speak to after I screwed her up.

And then there's this girl, who told me she did not like me. But now we are talking again. It just makes me really really happy to finally talk to her again.

I thought I was over her, but with these recent talks, I am reminded why I loved her before. She's unpretentious, pretty, and always pleasant to talk to.

The problem is I am afraid to make a move on her, again. I do not want to lose our friendship, but it kills me whenever I have to hold my emotions to myself.

I've already made this mistake of not telling this certain girl how I really felt, and I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice, hopefully. I am afraid of rejection, I am afraid of the consequences. I want the two of us to continually talk, because she makes me happy.

But I am not even sure if she is single. I do not know if she still likes this boy who was the same reason why she told me she did not like me four years ago.

I am not sure if she would like me. Hey, I am not the most gorgeous boy out there. I am not sure if she is ready to be with a man four years her senior.

I am not sure myself.

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Infanticipating

I should be studying for the last quiz on a subject I am in danger of failing, but here I am fantasizing that someone would buy my blog and writing a new entry immediately after that.

But I just had to let this off my chest.

Today I saw uhm, how do I say this, one of my highschool love. Well, we were not really together, but we sorta were. Explaining this would require a whole new blog entry altogether.

Going back on topic, she alighted the same bus I was already in. I was seated right in front, near the center lane. Yes, she saw me. And I definitely saw her - in all her infanticipating glory!

Yes, the once sweet, timid, pink-loving girl I once was crazy for was pregnant. Knocked up. With child. Preggers.

But I knew this already. A couple of friends reported the news to me a months back. I believed them but seeing her and her big tummy for real was a different experience altogether.

She was beautiful. She has always been, but there's a different glow to her now.

Sadly, we did not talk. I did not even have the courage to say a simple "Hi". I just looked on the other direction. It was strange. Weird. Awkward.

Ever since I screwed up on her the second time, we have not talked again. We see each other once in a while, but we pretend that the other does not exist. There was a time where I wanted her back (for the third time), but she did not return my messages.

I know that I'm an asshole, jerk, dumbfuck. Call me whatever you like. But if you're miraculously reading this, please, I want to be friends with you. This time, for real. I want to see your great smile which I missed so much. The past few times I see you, I saw a sad face. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. I want to be able to meet your future baby. I want everything to be settled.

I would have talked to you today but I am afraid you did not want to. You covered your tummy when you saw me but there's no need to do that. I am so proud of you for choosing to have this baby. So please, get in touch with me.

You know who you are.

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